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Saturday, June 27th, 2009
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I've spent the last 2 days driving around town with my camera trying to capture the hearts of all the locals and tourists who's lives have been forever changed by the passing of Michael Jackson.
Aside from his trials and tribulations (and different faces throughout the years), his legacy will be one not easily forgotten, nor easily out done. We all loved Michael for who he was. For how his music and talent made us feel. Not for the man he became in recent years. He's a man who leaves much to the imagination, yet who's music stood the test of time, and will continue to influence others for years to come.
I grew up listening to my mom's Thriller record. You could always find Michael or Bon Jovi on a constant rotation in my room and throughout the rest of the house.
A piece of my childhood died on thursday when he did.
Rest in Peace Michael. You deserve it.
Michael Jackson
1958 - 2009
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Tuesday, February 24th, 2009
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Recently I've been watching my friend Corie post her 365 day photos on Flickr. She uses a lot of creativity, as if each one tells a story. Suddenly inspired, I decided to do the same.
Since getting my first DSLR last year, I've really been itching to better my photography. When I met my boyfriend back in October, it happened to be a hobby we both shared. Ever since Christmas in 4th grade when I got my first (hot pink I might add) 110mm camera, I've been snapping away. Boxes of photos reside under my bed (amongst books of CD's, a flute, a piccolo, and sometimes my cat). It's an interest I've had almost my entire life.
Unfortunately due to finances, I was a little late to the "digital" game. But who are we kidding, film always looks better... Though most would argue that digital is just more fun to play around with. I am one of those people.
Slowly but surely, I am adding to my equipment. My next purchase will be a 50mm lens. I love the look of a shallow depth of field.
If you're intersted in keeping up with my 365 or any of my photography, you can find it on my Flickr.
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Monday, January 26th, 2009
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There is a point in time when someone close to you really starts to make you feel unimportant to them. Actions, words, distance.. it's like an entangling web of discontent and awkwardness.
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Wednesday, November 19th, 2008
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| Time: | 4:00 pm. |
| Mood: |  sad. |
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Money has been pretty tight lately. I've been scrambling to get by paycheck to paycheck. I haven't been grocery shopping in over 7 weeks and I'm living off the bare minimum.
My boss just told me we're also not getting a christmas bonus this year, which means visiting home for the holidays is out of the question. I already get paid crap.. and then this. Yet, I can't work on holidays because the boss won't permit it. Yep, no paid holidays or vacation pay. So now I have to figure out how I'm going to pay my rent for January, seeing as I have to take 4 days off at the end of December, and not get paid for them. I'm so mad and so upset at the same time. All I want to do is get home to see my family and my nephew who is now 5 months old and I haven't even gotten to meet him yet.
I can't stop crying.
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Monday, November 17th, 2008
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...is an effing joke. No, really. Seems everyone wants the benefits that come with a relationship; the company, the security, the sex, the cuddling, the comfort, but they don't want the title or the feeling like they're commited. Nobody wants to be tied down. They want their options open.
I say nay. It's the easy way out. Less effort on their part. A society of lazy fucks.
Seems in my experience these days that most boys are pretty sleezy. So if you take the chance and decide to sleep with them, you're most likely sleeping with half of LA/Orange county. You're best bet is to hold off as long as possible. It's not going to make them any cleaner, and most likely they're already sleeping with someone else anyway, but at least you aren't just like every other skeezy girl out there. And believe me, there are a lot of them. It's not a party w/o a hat, just remember that.
Why are all boys so scared of being in a relationship dating? I understand, we all have busy schedules (if anyone knows busy, it's me), but no matter how busy I am, I still always find time for someone when I'm genuinely interested in them. And yes, we've all had our hearts broken. We all have walls, so high they practically reach the clouds. Everyone is in the same boat as you. Same story, just different people. And don't forget to mention the crazies.. I think we've all been in that situation before. But if you meet someone and you two just click. The chemistry is all there, why refrain?
I'm not basing this information on my experiences alone, but also what I hear from my friends. No one wants a relationship. And seeing how Long Beach is full of hussies, they can pretty much continue getting what they want w/o the commitment.
Chivalry is dead.. and so are all the nice boys.
(Originally posted April 28, 2008 via myspace blog)
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Wednesday, November 5th, 2008
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| Time: | 8:18 am. |
| Mood: |  aggravated. |
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How is it that we can elect a Black president, yet still not allow homosexuals the human right to marry? I am less than thrilled with the outcome of Prop 8, and honestly disgusted. This wasn't about "gay marriages" being taught in school. This wasn't about "gays" taking over your church. This was about keeping a law in effect that allows homosexuals the same rights as heterosexuals, the same rights as humans. The right to marry the one you love.
How brainwashed has the church system made this country. Being homosexual isn't their choice. The science is all there. Why not allow them their basic rights? All I keep hearing is "Marriage is the word of god. It's a sacred religious ceremony." I call bullshit. If it's such a powerful word, then why is the divorce rate over 50%?? Maybe they should check the sacredness of this said "word" and think of a new excuse. I doubt that half the hetero couples that get married are religious anyway. If anything, homosexuals are less likely to take this "word" for granteed seeing as it's something they haven't had the freedom of doing until last May. But now that freedom has been revoked. This proposition is threatening to amend the constitution to state that marriage is only allowed between a man and a woman.
It's selfishness, ignorance, and blatant discrimination.
If this is gods will, then why would god promote hate?
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Sunday, October 5th, 2008
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| Time: | 3:29 pm. |
| Mood: |  gloomy. |
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I've been in a pretty big funk as of lately. I'm pretty sure there are many reasons why. I can think of three right off the bat.
Lots of changes happening in my life. I finally graduated Cosmetology school about a week ago. It took about a year and 8 months, but I'm glad to say I'm finally finished. One of the longest things I've had to endure. Hopefully it will all be worth it soon. I take my State Board exam on Friday for my license. I've never been so nervous to take a test before.
I turned 27 two days ago. 27 and single. Wondering if I'm ever going to meet "Mr. right." Or just anyone who truly makes me happy. I've dated around.. and have yet to meet anyone with substance. All of them have had some good qualities, but none that I felt instant sparks with. It's a constant losing battle. Maybe the men in southern california aren't for me. In November I will have been single for 2 years.. 2 freaking years. It sure gets awful lonely at times.
After 2 months, my ex best friend decided to call me and apologize for what happened on her birthday. We met up for coffee and talked about what happened. Said our apologies, and I invited her out for my birthday friday night. ..I should have known better. Everyone who is important to me was there, including her. After about an hour, she started chatting up this random dude and I didn't see her the rest of the night. Glad I wasted my breath inviting her out. What a waste... and we're back to square one.
I've been thinking a lot about who my "real" friends are. What does that even mean? "Real friends." I don't even know anymore.. it seems everyone has a different idea of it. My definition: Someone you can count on. Who isn't all talk, and no show. Someone who wants to be there for all your important moments. Someone who understands you. Someone who values you as much as you value them. Someone who is honest with you, good or bad. Someone who becomes more like family, than a friend. I do my best to instill all of these qualities in the relationships that I make with people. Few are reciprocated, and a lot aren't. Some are only reciprocated in the beginning, and then are plaqued by other distractions (relationships, jobs, other friends, life..). Granted, I've had my fair share of friendships that I've mentally distanced myself from. But I always try to make sure they still know I think of them, and miss their company. I guess I'm just starting to realize how shallow and fairweather some of these so called "real friends" are. I'm not willing to put up with it anymore. The flakiness, unresponsiveness and effortless. What's the point? I'll save both of us the wasted time and breath. If I'm not worth your time, then you don't deserve mine.
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Monday, September 15th, 2008
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Wednesday, August 20th, 2008
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We all know how near and dear I hold my friends. Even friends I haven't spoke to in years, or maybe talk to once in a blue moon.. all of you are important to me. You all have touched my life in some way, and I am so thankful to have had you be a part of it. The memories I have will never be replaced. Good or bad, happy or sad.. You all mean the world to me. Including you kids in San Diego who I rarely talk to.. I still speak so highly of all of you, and miss you more than you know.
That being said; losing a friend (i.e. no longer allowing that person to be in your life) is something that is very difficult for me. I can only say this has happened once before and it was pretty miserable. This friend had been a part of my life for 7 years. Best of friends. But.. I moved away, we became distant, and when I moved back home we were just two different people. It was like ending a relationship. I still think of her and wonder how she's doing, but have accepted the fact that we will never be friends again.
Now to the current situation.. I'm really at a loss. This person has been one of my closest and dearest friends since moving back home to Sacramento 4 years ago. She even moved to Southern CA the same time I did. We were there for each other through some of the toughest times in our lives. Shoulders to cry on, words of advice, hugs, and most of all - friendship.
And now that's all been thrown out the window.
An incident occured a few weeks ago to which I haven't been able to let go of. I haven't spoken to her in nearly 4 weeks, and have yet to hear an apology for the things that were said. ...And just like that, a friendship is over.
To be honest, I've taken it quite hard. But this distance from her has given me a time to reflect:
I guess this was a long time coming. The foundation of our friendship was based soley around drinking/partying. We met in Vegas for gods sake, with mutual friends. We both had long distance boyfriends, so we drank while we thought of them. We both went through bad break ups, so we drank to numb the pain. We both were bored, so we drank to cure the boredom. There was a point last year (which is so sad to admit) that I was out drinking with her 6 days a week. We were drinking buddies, through and through..
But sometimes you need to grow up. School became my priority, and drinking slowly dwindled out of my life. Thank god. But because of this, it caused quite a bit of conflict between her and I. We grew distant, but still hung out when it was convenient for both of us. And of course, it always involved a bottle of wine, a dive bar, or a friends bbq.
In retrospect, I can see that this friendship probably wasn't going to last forever. We were great friends and did everything together.. when "everything" meant partying. I see now that we really don't have all that much in common. I like my friends to have hobbies, aspirations... substance. I feel it makes for a better, well-rounded individual. It also keeps them preoccupied so they aren't afraid of being alone.
I'm at the point where I want to cut the bad things out of my life. Unfortunately, We were each others negative influence. The only difference is, now I choose to no longer allow her to have that affect on me... And I'm okay with it.
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Monday, August 11th, 2008
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Tomorrow it will be officially 2 years since I've moved back to Southern CA. Wow.. So much has happened since moving back, with much more to come, I'm sure. It has definitely been a learning experience and has helped me grow as a better person, yet mistakes do still happen. We're all human, right?
Hopefully by this time next year I will be back in San Diego. Though, it's quite hard to forsee the future anymore. Anything can happen in a year..
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Wednesday, August 6th, 2008
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While it seems everyone else is at a really high point in their lives right now, I feel my self slowly sinking into a dark hole.
Numerous things have added to this... But more or less it started with the car accident 2 weeks ago. Someone hit me on my way to school. The accident was rather minor, but the backlash has been quite significant.
Since the accident I've been seeing a chiropractor three times per week for two weeks now. My spine in my neck is inverted in the wrong direction. Severe whiplash they say. So while trying to get myself straightened out, I have endured some of the worst back pain and headaches I've ever had. In turn I have been missing a little school, which in turn has pushed back my graduation date now two weeks. New expected graduation date = 9/27/08. Domino effect. I feel like it's never going to end..
On top of that, a very good friend and I had a bit of a falling out, I guess would be the best way to describe it. Some words were said. I bit my tongue most of the time, but I was truly hurt by her behavior. We haven't spoken since the incident almost 2 weeks ago. No apology, no nothing. I really don't have anything to say to her, yet the situation still saddens me. A lot.
There have been a couple other things in the last 10 days that have just added to this mess. All which has been making me feel pretty low. I've had a lot on my mind lately about the future. Like what's going to happen when I'm done with school. Financially, how am I going to survive trying to assist for a year. I'll need a full time job too, obviously.. but how am I going to work out all the scheduling, etc. Stress, stress, stess.. it's never ending these days. My body is mentally, emotionally, and physically drained.
Sometimes it just feels good to cry.
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| Time: | 11:38 am. |
| Mood: |  okay. |
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Wallowing 101.
I've been feeling a bit distant from just about everyone in my life lately.. with the exception of Afton. I feel like I don't really have much in common with most of my friends anymore. Including my closest friends. I've been trying to be as antisocial as possible. I'd just rather sit at home, and close myself off to the world. Partying just doesn't seems as fun as it once was. Unfortunately, some people don't understand why I would feel this way, so when they ask to hang out to drink, I make excuses so I don't have to.
It's like a hobby to them. Drinking. Isn't there anything else to do with your time? I dunno, maybe it's because my free time is so limited that I don't see the point. I have way more productive things to do then just drink all day. I miss my friends, and I miss spending time with them.. but anymore it's just about drinking/bbq's/bars/etc.. meh. over it. I'm over hanging out with drunk people.
It's not you, it's me.
I'm just being antisocial, that's my only excuse. Let me be for awhile..
I also heard some disturbing news last week about a boy I used to date.. I think I'm still reeling from that one. I laugh it off a lot, but it bothers me more than I let on.
Wah wah.. I'm done rambling.
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| Time: | 9:56 pm. |
| Mood: | disappointed. |
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It's funny how we can hold someones opinion of us so high, even though we know that they are liars. Even if we ask the question that we want to ask, we know they are still going to tell us an answer that isn't true.
Why do I insist on having this friendship with you that I hold close to my heart, when it's obvious that you lie. Not necessarily about big things.. just about things that matter to me. I have a feeling you've started using coke again. Not regularly, but dabbling, if you will. Mainly by the people you surround yourself with. I'm in no way mad at you for this. You're your own person and are perfectly capable of your own decisions... but I, being your friend, know what road this led you down before. I only hope this doesn't become a habit. You've also started drinking more frequently.. I'm not here to preach. I just hope you know what you're doing and have everything under control.
But all this isn't what I was referring to in my original statement. It's been a couple weeks since you told me you were hanging out with someone new. Which is great. I'm happy for you. I'm glad that we can be friends and share these kinds of things with each other... but did you happen to remember all the reasons you told me you couldn't date me, only two months earlier? You remember, right? You have no time to put effort into a relationship because of school (which I can completely relate too, although, I always managed to make time for you). You also said how you were planning on moving out of the country once you were done with school next year, so why start something when you know you're leaving. And most importantly, you told me you were still reeling from the sudden departure of your ex, only 8 months earlier, and you had about another 6 months before you felt you would be able to be ready for another relationship (I'll leave the specifics out).
Now, based on what you told me about this new girl, only two days after you said you two were hanging out, it sounds like she's already causing headaches for you. So, what is it? What is the real reason? Why after 6 months was I not "girlfriend material?" Why is this one, whom you've already had problems with, a better match? These questions have been on repeat in my head ever since you told me about her. Obviously the aforementioned reasons ring a bit untrue. It sounds like you pretty much pushed all three aside in a matter of weeks. Why couldn't you have just been honest? As far as I know, nothing has changed, except maybe you have even less free time now because of school, then you did when we were "hanging out." I've debated emailing you about this. Just asking for some clarity, and maybe a little knock to my self esteem. But, I can't imagine what you would tell me would be anything near the truth... and if it is, it's probably something I really shouldn't hear anyway.
It's been almost two weeks since I've last heard from you.. Yet, I still manage to waste time writing about you.
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| Time: | 12:14 pm. |
| Mood: |  tired. |
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I haven't posted in awhile.
Well, in the last couple weeks:
- I went home for my brothers wedding. I know, my brothers wedding? Who would have thought the day would come? Believe it or not, I actually cried tears of joy for him. :)
- I also worked Coachella again this year. Pictures can be found here: Myspace
Prince did an amazing cover of Radioheads Creep:
Portishead was also amazing... I posted their vid on youtube
- I also posted a fun blog on the LA dating scene, which i'll post behind the cut, but you can also read it on my Myspace
Other than all that, I've just been super busy with school and work. My eyes are constantly on fire due to the lack of sleep I get. And apparently I can't make enough time for some friends, so they insist on getting mad at me about it. Sorry, but deal with it. My time is limited, and I'll choose to spend it with whom I'd like to. Unfortunately, that may not be you 100% of the time. This doesn't make me a bad person. Just someone who is getting their shit together and their priorities straight. Partying isn't my cup of tea much anymore. Don't say I didn't warn you that this was going to happen.
On that note, back to work.. see the blog after the cut.
( Read more... )
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I slept for shit last night... tossed and turned until about 5am. I then woke up at 6:50am for work. I'm hating life right now.
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| Time: | 10:47 pm. |
| Mood: |  exhausted. |
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I always feel like I have so much to say, but when it comes down to it, I can't even put it into words.
This weekend was a lot of fun and stressful at the same time. Just had a lot of things on my mind. Saturday Afton and I spent the day together preparing for her B-day bonfire Sat night. We ended up spending $150 on supplies and whanot. We split the cost, but it was definitely something I wasn't planning on spending that much money on. Oh well. It turned out to be a success. Happy birthday. :)
Some unneccesary drama went down about a week ago with Ryan and some stupid girl that is roommates with my good friend Laszlo. I don't really care to go into detail, but basically it involved her acting like an drama queen to Ryan, her name dropping me (which I had nothing to do with whatever she was being stupid about) and he getting upset with me because of her acting like an idiot. Somehow I got thrown into the middle of a situation that didn't involve me in the first place. And it seems as though he doesn't want to be my friend now because of her actions. I've never been in a fight before, but I swear I've never wanted to hit someone more than I've wanted to hit her. I've never been able to stand that girl, and now especially. So that's been weighing on my mind a lot this weekend. I've been pretty bummed over the Ryan thing all together, and this just adds to it. I guess I just don't understand his justification behind all of this. I wish it were as easy for me, as it is for him, to turn off my feelings.
I've been feeling a bit depressed about everything lately. Just trying to figure out life. School has me stressed (trying to graduate by July). My work might be moving to Chino, so I'm trying to figure out if I want to stick it out, or just find another job. It's a bit of a commute, and will take an extra hour of sleep off of my nights. I already only get about 5-6 hours a night as it is. Just seems to have a lot more negative side effects, than positive. I like my job, I like the family I work for. But I the commute just wont fit into my schedule. I'm stressing on how I'm going to convince them of that without them giving me crap for it. And then comes the stress of looking for a new job. One that will be flexible with my school schedule. I don't know how all this is going to pan out. I may have to take a leave from school for a little bit to sort it all out. But that just pushes back my graduation date, and I just want to be finished already. This whole Ryan thing also has had me bummed out more nights than not. I think I've done a good job of hiding it from everyone. School and work have kept my mind busy also, which helps. Since moving into our new apartment, I've been feeling really alone and down. I hope this feeling goes away soon.
Woe is me. I didn't expect this entry to be so depressing, sorry.
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| Time: | 1:59 pm. |
| Mood: | morose. |
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Seeing you this weekend wasn't easy. I'm glad we were able to chat for a little bit. At least I know you still want to be my friend.
Fighting back the urge to call or text you is trying.
I miss you... and I don't think I realized how much you meant to me until you were gone. I can willingly say, I was falling in love with you.
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Monday, February 25th, 2008
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| Time: | 9:02 am. |
| Mood: |  content. |
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This weekend was pretty busy, with little sleep.
I stayed home from school on Friday. Migraines. Ugh. It's really weird, but it seems I get a lot of those this time of year. Some so bad even sleep won't get rid of them.
Even so, I ended up going to PYT in Hollywood with Jacquie and Shannon Friday night:
Mike showed up with his friends. All in all, a good night (with and 'dirty dog' to end the night right). As we're getting ready to leave, our friend Shawn calls us and needs a ride from Hollywood to Santa Monica. He got into a car accident somewhere on Hollywood Blvd. We didn't get back to Long Beach until 3:45am.
Woke up @ 8:00am on Saturday because we were getting our Dish Network and internet hooked up. Was able to put a little bit more of the apartment together and get some laundry done. Seanathan showed up and we made a trip to Ikea. Then he and I spend the latter of the afternoon/early evening putting everything together. My room looks so much better now. Next paycheck = wall art. :)
Sunday I tried sleeping most of the day. I haven't been sleeping well since I moved. I guess just because it's a new place. But I toss and turn constantly and have been having some really weird dreams. Last night it was about Bryan. He told me he had a baby on the way, had some really weird hipster haircut and was dating some 19 year old. Gross. I debated texting him this morning to see if it was a sign for anything, but then I figured, why waste my time? Do I really care that much? The answer to that riddle is no.
I'm dreading the week ahead, but only because it's Monday. I always dread the week on Mondays. But, I do have a diet cherry coke in the fridge, and that always makes tings better. :)
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Friday, February 22nd, 2008
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| Time: | 10:17 am. |
| Mood: | lonely. |
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I'm so glad it's Friday. And ending to a very long/hard week.
Lots going on tomorrow. I'm going to Ikea to buy all new bedroom furniture (anyone wanna help me set it all up?). My room is feeling a little less than homey and it's not pleasing. Ember is slowly getting used to the place. She pretty much stays in my room, under the bed. She only comes out when she's hungry or wants some snuggle time. Which is usually as soon as I get home. I'll be cleaning my old apartment and turning in my keys tomorrow as well. Thank god. My old landlord and I got into it on the phone the other day. Ugh.. that woman frustrates me. Completely unreasonable. I really hope she has some bad karma coming her way. We're also getting Dish Network installed and our cable internet. Hooray!!! DVR once again! Boy, have I missed you!
No plans this weekend with friends to speak of yet (except maybe helping with Sean's modeling thing). I went to the Prospector last night to see my friends band play, but ended up leaving before they even went on. I was super tired and I knew today would be hell if I didn't try and get what little sleep I could.
I really can't wait for today to be over. This week has really bummed me out, in more ways then one. And the gloomy weather isn't helping. I need some sunshine, some friends, some smiles, and perhaps a burger from Kafe Neo.. and all will be well in the world of Lisa again. Or at least I'll fake it. You'll never know. :)
xo.
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Wednesday, February 20th, 2008
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I don't think I mentioned this yet, but Afton and I ended up getting an apartment together again in Long Beach. We just moved in this past weekend. It's actually a condo, 2bd/2ba, 9 blocks from the beach. We're on the 4th floor. Secured building. Parking Garage. Gas fireplace. So many other neat things about it. I'll put pictures behind the lj cut.
Everything is coming together in it. Got everything unpacked last night. My boss ended up giving us a brand new stainless steel refrigerator. Afton is planning on getting a new couch and stuff soon. By the end of March, we should have everything we need. We seriously lucked out with this place.
The best part of all.. I'm living with my best friend again. :)
( Read more... )
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withloveandhate's journal
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